Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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