I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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