The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
