I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
