It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
