I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
