So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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