New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
