he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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