I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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