we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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