I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
