There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
