Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
