i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
