Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
