I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
should my penis look like a turkey
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
