he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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