TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize