"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
