do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish you could order shots online.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
COCAINE IS GR8
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
