Tell her she can't have a vagina
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
