I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
