K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
