i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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