just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
