White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
