You're so nebulous sometimes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
