i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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