I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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