i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
