just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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