U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
