I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
