I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
