I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
