yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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