i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize