My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
