you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
