I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
