After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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