capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
