maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
