my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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