I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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