i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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