I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
