good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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