Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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