Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
