I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Blood and glitter go together right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
