I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
