um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
