You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize