She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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