Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
