I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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