RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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