She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
