if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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