I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
