I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
