Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
