Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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