just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
