i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
